10 Ridiculous Things That Scare the Bejesus Out of Me! (I apologize in advance for #6.)

10 Ridiculous Things That Scare the Bejesus Out of Me! (I apologize in advance for #6.)

10 Ridiculous Things That Scare the Bejesus Out of Me! (I apologize in advance for #6.)

So, we’ve been hanging out online together now for the past few months, and I’ve become very fond of you, and even have begun to trust you to a certain extent, so maybe it’s time I come clean.

I have a handful . . . well, okay, maybe it’s more like two handfuls . . . of fears of ridiculous things that would no more scare any of you than, say, a bag full of extra large marshmallows. And yet, each of these things hits me where it counts.

Okay, here goes. I’m baring my soul.

1)

This giant lady of the lake. There’s something about larger than life statues that give me the heebie-jeebies. There’s also something about submerged items that give me the willies. This particular statue combines both of my fears into the “perfect fear storm”, as it were. It’s innately wrong, and I’d like it to please just go away. Thank you.

 

Ridiculous Fears: Gigantor Lady of the Lake statue

Photo courtesy of: funnyall-the-timeblogspot.com

2)

Honestly, anything giant that’s under the water makes my list. Anything giant that’s under the water that’s capable of swallowing me whole is at the top of my list. Now, I don’t know what specific type of whale this is, and frankly, I don’t care. The fact that it won’t eat me because it merely feeds on plankton is irrelevant because I would die of a heart attack anyway if I happened to look down to see it lurking beneath me. Therefore, I’d be dead either way.

 

Ridiculous Fears: Kite surfing with whale below

3)

Opening up a Pillsbury dough can. Oh yeah, my boys get a real kick out of this one. “Ooh! Mom is about to open the can of rolls! Everybody gather ’round!” This is not a debilitating fear, but it’s certainly not something I enjoy. The anticipation of knowing that the can is going to rupture at the seams at any second and spew forth aggressive dough, like an exploding muffin top, makes me squint my eyes, extend my arms as far as they’ll go in preparation for the unavoidable explosion, and then shriek when it happens. Can’t help it.

 

Ridiculous Fears: Opening a Pillsbury dough can

 

4)

The Game of Perfection. Similarly, I’ve learned to be the fastest shape placer east of the Mississippi for fear of having these dang pieces pop up in my face and . . . what? Lacerate my eyeballs? Fly up my nostrils? Eternally brand my cheek with a fat plus sign? I’m not sure, but all I can say is that I’ve become a Perfection ninja. You start the timer, and my fingers are flying, baby!

 

Ridiculous Fears: Playing Perfection and jumping with fear each time it pops up

 

5)

Sinkholes. There’s no excuse for them. We use the saying “he’s on solid ground” for a reason. Ground is about as elemental as it gets. It should be something we can count on without question. I mean, it’s “terra firma”, dude. The earth should not open up on a whim, whenever the mood suits, to form a circular gateway to hell.

Did you know that Florida, along with having the most lightning strikes and shark attacks, has the most sinkholes of any state? Truth. Um, why do people choose to retire there again?

 

Ridiculous Fears: Sinkholes - opening up a circular path to hell

 

6)

The evil Child Catcher guy from “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”. I’m not too proud to admit it. There’s something about this shifty-eyed, sugar pusher that sends shivers racing down my spine even now. Never liked him, never will. Also? I’ve always pretty much been a sugar ho, so I would have certainly been one of the first munchkins trapped in his wagon oh-so-many years ago. As a matter of fact, that tri-colored sucker is looking pretty good to me even now.

 

Ridiculous Fears: the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang child catcher demonic dude

 

7)

Which is a perfect segue to my next ridiculous fear: a never-before-seen worldwide sugar shortage that would force me to do without sweets.

 

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8)

The bald man baby face swap.  Computer graphics have taken this idea to a whole new level. Is this really necessary? Can’t we get a kick out of something less . . . freakish?

 

Ridiculous Fears: Bald man baby face swap

Photo courtesy of: buzzfeed.com

 

9)

Seemingly harmless garter snakes. Yes, I’m talking about you, brother Jeremy.

 

Ridiculous Fears: Seemingly harmless garter snakes

 

10)

Basement stairs with open risers. Not only do I fear that I will fall through, which would pretty much defy every law of physics known to mankind, but I also may have given a thought or two to a random zombie hand reaching through and choke-holding me by the ankle, which, you have to admit, is much, much more likely.

 

Ridiculous Fears: Basement stairs with open risers and zombies below

Photo courtesy of: dailymail.co.uk

 

There you go.  I shared. I bared my ridiculata. Frankly, I bared my soul.

What about you?

What are your irrational fears?

Maybe admitting to a fear of leaving a comment on a blog might be a healthy place to start . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

Written by Becky


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10 Comments
  • Bonnie says:

    Numbers 3 and 4 are at the top of my list as well as playing the game Operation. The buzz when you touched the edges with the metal scalpel sent me through the roof! I was a total buzz kill and refused to play it.

    • Becky says:

      Buzz kill . . . I see what you did there young lady. Operation was never a relaxing experience for me either.

  • Patty from MMC says:

    Agree with Heather about Natl. Geographic, but putting fingers in snake pictures!!!!! eeeeekkkkkkk! I can’t look at snake pictures on the internet, either. (Jeremy creeped me out on your blog!!) Another creepy thing – sump pump holes. I always picture a snake or creepy thing residing in them. My grandmother used to have a big old crucifix in her bedroom where Jesus was about half life size and that also was a cause of nightmares.

    • Becky says:

      Then you would hate this: we have a long buried tube that’s attached to our sub pump that eventually emerges and spits the ejected water out at the edge of our yard. Jame has to clear it from time to time and does so with his bear hand. Jeremy could be hosting a family reunion in there, man!

  • Patty from MMC says:

    I agree about the snakes!! My number 1 fear! But I also am afraid of bleachers – climbing to the top, fear of losing my balance, etc. that started in high school where I must have tripped and fallen on the bleachers at one point. I’m afraid of heights, which might have contributed to the bleacher fear as well.

    • Becky says:

      Bleachers, eh? How about those balconies at the theater or sports arena where the wall comes up to your knee so that you could go cartwheeling over the edge with one false move?

  • Mary Lou Sandvik says:

    From your mom: 1) Stepping on dog poo left by some very irresponsible dog owner; 2) crossing one of our nation’s huge bridges, which we constantly hear are in need of refurbishing, for fear it will fall at that time;
    3) getting stuck alone in an elevator. Considering the likelihood of any of these things happening, I feel pretty safe.

    • Becky says:

      Mom, this is not about being logical! You need to embrace and feed the fear and consider each of them very likely at all times. Especially the elevator one – very probable!

  • Heather says:

    I’m with you on some of these. The evil child catcher guy. Creepy! Sinkholes. Not right. Stairs going anywhere with openings. I too could fall thru…NOT, but still very wrong. Some new ones: turning the page of a National Geographic magazine and finding that your fingers are touching a picture of a bunch of maggots. Noooo! Cat and dog faces with human teeth. Totally wrong, and not right either! Inchworms that appear out of nowhere, crawling on your cell phone that was in your hand seconds ago. How did he get there? Where was he hiding out before my phone became his home? Ugh!! Enough. I’m grossing out myself.

    • Becky says:

      Do you remember when Uncle Del took us to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang in the theater? Creeped out for a week from that catcher guy! I agree with the National Geographic page turning thing. Need to add it to my list.


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About Me:

Hi! My name is Becky. I’m a mom, a wife, a friend, a writer, and a compulsive thinker. Don't invite me to a spa or to shop the day away, but rather, make me laugh, engage me in interesting conversation, play a game with me, or give me a cappuccino and homemade vanilla bean flan and I’m yours ‘til the cows come home.

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